On The Vulnerability Of Shipping

The Forbes article I published yesterday didn’t live up to my hopes for it, and I don’t know why. It has put a shadow over my last two days.

I’m not proud of how my subsconscious is choosing to interpret the situation. I’ve found myself unconsciously checking the number of page views several times a day (ok – maybe an hour), hoping for a surprise. Then when I see that nothing has changed, I feel a little bit worse about my day.

I downloaded an app last night that makes it so that I can’t visit social media to see the stats. It worked…for a few hours. Then I found a way to bypass it.

These thoughts and feelings are part of me, but they are not me.

I did not choose to have them. I do not agree with them, but they are there. So the ball’s in my court for how to respond.

I put my heart and soul into each article, because I love learning, writing, sharing, and connecting. I hope each will have an impact. But, every time I press publish on an article, I feel vulnerable.

Part of me attaches my self-worth to the response. When something catches on, I feel really good. When something doesn’t, I don’t.

I appreciate the opportunity to observe these thoughts and feelings with some level of detachment so they can be my teacher.

I appreciate myself for creating and releasing things into the world that I’m proud of even when I do feel vulnerable.

As an artist, I put an intention into the world to continue to cultivate two qualities:

1.  To not attach my self-worth to other people’s response to my work.
2. To methodically understand what works and what doesn’t and continue to be a better communicator.